i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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