He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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