i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You took a bar mat shot.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize