I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
