i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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