3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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