im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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