really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
