Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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