You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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