shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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