you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
