I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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