why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
