Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
