are you still at the devil's house?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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