Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and she was petting her beer can
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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