It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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