he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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