im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
