Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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