There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
