drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
