You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
