just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
