don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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