I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
