i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
