if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
