I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
