we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
