She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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