Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize