Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
