I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He better not be in your backpack
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
