i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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