He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
