Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
