dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
