Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
