Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
