Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
