Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
