shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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