Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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