i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
