Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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