Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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