I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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