Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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