just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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