it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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