did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wear drunk well.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
