no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
