Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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