i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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