Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
