Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
